I know I haven’t blogged much this month, and honestly I think I won’t write that much this season. I feel like God is taking me on a long journey, one that involves many twists and turns but ultimately with light at the end of the tunnel. But for now there isn’t much I want to write about, so I probably won’t. I will honor my season, no matter what that might look like. But today, I do have something to write about, a little update on where I am and where I’m going on my journey inside my heart.
I’m sure we’ve all heard by now that the Helser’s have released a beautiful album called ‘Beautiful Surrender’. There is a track named after the album that I love right now, because it is where I want to be. As I’ve gone into my heart with God, I’ve realized that I don’t have the white flag over all parts of my heart, and that I want to get closer to my Savior.
Last night, as I listened to this song, I felt like a part of my heart was willing to experience change. This was a big thing for me, since that part of my heart seemed to not be ready for change yet, to not be willing, for a long time. But as I listened to the song, I felt as that part of my heart opened up and really wanted to experience the kind of closeness it had always longed for but been to afraid to go after. I listen to it over and over again, just declaring over my heart that this is where we’re going, that we’re going to get well and that we’re not going to have to stay in a broken place anymore. I danced late into the night, because it was Friday and I most definitely could sleep late. I imagined dancing with the Holy Spirit in that part of my heart, having a dance party just like the Helser’s did on instagram. I danced until I felt I had no energy left in me to keep going, and I thought about a sermon I heard from Amanda Cook about how God loves your Yes and how a cloud of witnesses was cheering me on and how Jesus was loving my Yes.
It was one of the best times I’ve experienced in these past few months, and I want to document it here and in my heart.
That Girl In The Blanket
The Holy Spirit has been a real gem in this season.
I’ve come to know her as a great comfort, almost like a sister. I know her as female, that’s just how I see her. Maybe you don’t, and that’s perfectly okay. I remember the first time I really got to know the Holy Spirit, which was only maybe a couple of months ago since I realized I really don’t have much of a relationship with the Holy Spirit. I used to think the Holy Spirit was kind of a weird, wind-like substance of God’s being that just floated around, but now I see her as a person. Anyways, the first time I met her she was wrapped in a blanket, and she was so funny and kind and just like any other woman you’d meet. She was kind of an oddball in the best way and she was so comfortable to be with.
She was cool with everything inside my heart, even the huge messes and wounds, and she was so gentle. She has been so amazing through this new season of discovery and I’m so thankful to know her as more than just a substance floating through the room. Every time I think of her I laugh or smile, because she’s just so fun. I didn’t think the Spirit of God could be so unconventional. She’s kind of like the child side of me, funny and weird and always dancing around weirdly and unapologetically.
She is the best of the best, and I couldn’t be more thankful for her presence in my life.
Self-Care & Self-Love
I’ve also been taking care of myself more and let me tell you: it is the best thing I’ve ever done. I feel so light and free and calm and good. Weekends are for self-care, and it has been a blast. I am learning to love myself more and more each day, which has been so eye-opening for me. A few weeks ago I blessed my body and asked for forgiveness for all the times I had hated it, a practice that Abi Stumvoll talked about in the video above. It really woke me up to the fact that God created my body as a sacred being that I was made to respect and honor, and I am trying to do that more. I’m always looking for new ideas of how to take care of myself, and my body has become the best temple it can be. Below are my self-care practices (feel free to share yours in the comments):
- More Yoga (trying to do it daily)
- Longer showers
- Essential Oil Diffuser
- Meditation (I signed up for a meditation course recently that I am LOVING)
- Lavender spray on my pillow
- Good Music
- Mosaic (I consider church a grounding ritual)
- More Reading
- General Hygiene (because sometimes I don’t take care of myself as well as I should)
- Making myself warm and toasty in a sweater or a blanket
- Spending time with my Maker
- Start getting ready for bed @7:30 because I want my best sleep
- Staying Hydrated
- Eating Well (still working on this one)
- Doing more of what I love
- Finding the beauty of the moment
This is where I am right now, becoming more and more myself, who I was created to be. God has taught me a lot and continues to teach me about how to take care of myself. This season is beautiful, though it hasn’t been easy. There have been ups and downs, and my heart is still learning to heal, but I am more well every day, and that is something to be thankful for. I’m glad that I have the privilege of knowing how to take care of myself and get into my heart and become more well every day.
Thanks for listening! See you next time.